Am I Not Praying Enough?

I have often times wondered, "Am I not praying enough Lord?" "Do I not believe enough or have faith enough in you?" "Do you not love me enough to answer my pleading prayers?"

Psalm 66:19,20
but God has surely listened and heard my voice in prayer. Praise be to God, who has not rejected my prayer or withheld his love from me!

My Lord, I kept asking you why you did not heal Gabrielle the night she went to the ER. Why have you not healed her now? I feel you tell me that if you had healed her I would not get to be this close to you. I would not get to experience a whole new level of intimacy with you. I would have lost the opportunity to get to know your heart and soul a little deeper. I would have lost the moment to glorify you in such an incredible way. If you had healed her that night I would miss out on the profound meaning of how each person, each soul, miraculously touches those around them.

That night in the ER, Gabrielle's body was shaking from constant seizures. She was put into a medically induced coma in the ICU for over 10 days. She ended up staying in the hospital for over a month and then sent home with very little chance of living. If you would have healed her that first night, in the ICU, I would have stayed in the moment of praising your name for the healing but would have missed out on knowing you on a new level of thanksgiving.

Through the loss of our daughter Jessica, and the illness/disability of Gabrielle you have taken my hand and guided me step by step closer to you. Closer to feeling your spirit, to experiencing your wonder and grace, and closer to hearing the beating of your heart that beats for me!

It has taken years for me to finally come to the place where I can humbly kneel before you, thank you for this pain and suffering, and give glory, honor, and praise to your name.

What is your prayer today?

Penny