Jessie

I was asked to share my story of the death of my daughter, Jessica Marie. I had found our 10 month old daughter, Jessica, dead in her crib. It is one of the most sorrowful times in my life. As I shared in my story often times I wondered, "Why me?" Why was I delayed that morning? Why did I not get to her in time?

It just so happened that on that morning, the day Jessica died, my routine was interrupted. Instead of checking in on Joshua and Jessica and getting them up out of bed we woke up late. Somehow during the night the clocks stopped working and Mike was late for work. While he was rushing around trying to get out of the house, I went in to check on our son Joshua. He was wet, soaked through his sheets and bedding. I put the wet clothes in the wash, gave Joshua a bath, got him dressed, helped Mike get out the door, got myself dressed all the while not realizing that I had not heard a peep out of Jessica. As I walked to her bedroom door I was thinking, "boy has she slept in late." I opened the door and started to say, "Jessie", "Jessie", it is time to get up. I looked in her crib and saw her body had fell through the side of her crib and her tiny little head had gotten caught on the mattress. Up to this point we knew she had some medical problems, we had been seeing doctors, and running tests. She had very weak muscle tone and always had a hard time lifting her head. It was obvious she could not lift her head and she suffocated. I cannot believe that after all of these years how hard it still is to say those words. I tried to pull her out but her body was so stiff and hard. I screamed, "God, help me get her out!" I felt this super natural strength come over me and pulled her free. I held her close to my chest and ran up and down the hall screaming, "God, no,no!" My first instinct was to run outside yelling for someone to help me, God how I wanted someone to help me. I took Joshua, and still holding Jessica tightly to my chest I ran into our bedroom. I sat on the floor in the corner of our room yelling and screaming and dialed 911.

One of the gals in my Bible study brought this to my attention. She said, Penny, if you had gotten to Jessie first then you would not have been able to take care of Joshua's needs or your husbands needs. Like any good wife and mother you helped your husband get off to work since he was late, you got your son cleaned up and dressed since he was soaked, you got a load of laundry going, and you got yourself dressed. I had always thought that I was not a good mother because I did not get to Jessie first. But, my friend gave me such a beautiful perspective of that morning; I did attend to the needs of my family. Isn't it funny that as moms we always feel like we should be able to do everything?

As I shared the rest of my story I realized on that particular day God had brought just the right people to help me get through that morning. I had a calm operator who talked me through those first moments. I had gentle, caring, EMT's and policemen who helped me focus on answering questions. I had a dear family friend, Melinda, who came over and took care of Joshua that morning with no prompting from me. My mom, my sisters, my mother-in-law, and our pastor and his wife all helped me in those early hours.

As I look back God was protecting me and sheltering me in the palm of his hand. What a soothing place to be in the midst of a storm.

Psalms 3:3
"But you are a shield around me, O Lord." I love the picture that this verse paints.

What does God whisper to you?

Penny

Awareness of God

Proverbs 1:7
The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge

God is here. He is all around us. Sometimes it is easy to take him for granted; to view the things he does for us and gives to us as an expectation. But, I believe that God wants to show us so much more of himself.

Not only does he want to be our God of provision, providing for our every need; he wants to be our Comforter, our peace, our strength. He wants to be our confidant, our encourager, our healer, our Savior, our friend.

God is so much more than we can even begin to imagine.

Each day we go through, each challenge we face, every mountain we climb God is there!

Are you aware of God and what he CAN and WILL do for you?

What does hope whisper to you?

Penny

OPEN

Open my eyes Lord to the knowledge of your will

Open my ears Lord to your still small voice

Open my heart Lord to the presence of your peace

Open my spirit Lord to the stirring of your soul

What does God whisper to you?

Penny

I Love You

What do you say to a loved one facing uncertainty and fear? You say, "I love you!" and God does too. Isaiah 43:4 says Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you.

It doesn't really matter what you are facing, the illness of a loved one, the death of a child, the test results that showed "something" and now you are waiting for more tests, more results, more what ifs.
In all of this what matters most is LOVE. Love from your spouse, your family, your children, your friends. Love from your doctors, nurses, case workers. Love from your neighbors, your co-workers, your church. Deep abiding love from your heavenly Father.

Each time someone extends, and gives their gift of love to you with it comes a ray of hope. A glimmer of light shines through in your world of darkness. That glimmer of light becomes just enough strength for you to stand. The next person comes and extends their gift of love to you and that gives you more strength; soon you have enough strength to stand, enough strength to get up, to move about to fight for that feeling of hope, relentless faith, of utter belief that you are loved. That love gives you enough strength to stand one more day, to take one more test, to try one more medicine, to undergo one more surgery.

That gift of love tells you that I am here, I love you and I will carry you. Do not miss the boat on this. Do not miss the opportunity to let God reveal his love to you. Let God clothe you in his love and shower you with his mercy and grace.

What does hope whisper to you?

Penny

Come to the Lord

All of you who are weary and burdened - have you come to the Lord?

Have you went to the Lord and asked for rest? His Word says in Matthew 11:28-30 "Come to me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."

Have you ever felt wearied with exhaustion? Your mind is weary from all of the emotional and mental pain of the illness. What is it? Is it terminal? How will you survive? How do you take care of your family's needs?
Your body is weary from the physical challenges. The constant 24 hour care, sleep deprivation, physically changing, bathing, and lifting your child.
Your heart is weary from all of the spiritual angst that replays in your mind over and over again. Why God? Why won't you heal them? What is wrong with me?

When you are in the middle of a struggle do you go to the Lord? Jesus said, "Come to me..." He wants you to come to him, talk to him and tell him your burdens; he wants to hear from you.

We have a risen Savior! Jesus is offering you his easy yoke and his light burden. Seek him and he will give you rest.

Let God whisper to you -

Penny